2021.10.24 13:18 Vo0do0leW Cry Of Fear - Swedish Hill 2 (full play through/highly edited for Halloween)
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2021.10.24 13:18 LilPeep1k That’s when you switch over to drugs
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2021.10.24 13:18 Miserable_Sink_1861 Boyfriend cheated on ex wife and had sex with his (adult) students
Please help, I’m a mess right now.
TLDR: boyfriend cheated on his now ex wife with one of his students, who is a mentally unstable alcoholic half his age, and had sex with another. He continued seeing the first one on & off for a few years post-divorce until he finally broke it off for good after months of therapy made him realize it was unhealthy. She got mad that he dumped her and reported him for inappropriate behavior so now he’s in hot water. He says therapy has changed him and is willing to go to therapy with me to unpack everything. Should I still give him a chance?
I’ve (38F) been seeing a guy (46M) for about 5 months and everything has been going so amazingly well. We finally said I love you to each other a few weeks ago, we were starting to talk about moving in together next year, we’d made plans to meet his parents and he’d already met mine, we’d started hanging out with each other’s friends, and I was really starting to feel like he might be the one. Basically, this relationship felt like it had amazing staying power.
I just found out he was reported to the university where he teaches by a former student who he had a tumultuous relationship with on and off since she was a 20 year old sophomore. It started 5 years ago when he was still married. She was an alcoholic and he was trying to help her get sober, and then she came on to him and he said what the fuck, my marriage is a mess and I’m miserable so why not. (Keep in mind these are his words to me, not my interpretation of what he might have been thinking or an attempt at rationalizing his behavior.) He did eventually file for divorce the next year. I’ve verified this, and he is actually divorced now. His ex knows about the relationship, but doesn’t know that it started while they were still married.
The university did not have a policy against this at the time, so they both figured whatever it’s all fine. In the meantime, she kept relapsing from sobriety into binge drinking, and then her behavior would become wildly unpredictable: she would tell him he was an awful human being for tricking her into wanting him so badly, and then a few messages later she’d apologize and say it was her choice to date him and beg forgiveness, and then a few days later she’d text that he was a terrible human being who deserved to be punished for what he was doing to her. (I’ve seen the messages, he’s not making this part up.)
Apparently he finally dumped her for good several months before he met me (by then she was no longer a student) and he deliberately remained single to focus on himself and work on things with his therapist. Meanwhile she continued to text him the same wild mood swing messages and leave voicemails where she would scream at him, so much so that he finally blocked her number, but then she started sending him so many emails that he finally created a filter so he could send them directly to spam.
She was still emailing him as recently as two weeks ago, when she wrote to say how much she missed what they had together and wanted him to give her one last chance. He didn’t realize until today that the emails hadn’t stopped at all, because they were all going to spam, so he mistakenly thought she’d finally gotten over him.
Then boom: the report happened. And apparently he also had sex with another student while they were on a break from their relationship, and he stupidly told her about the other student so she included that in her report to allege a pattern of inappropriate behavior. According to him everything was consensual, but still he’s basically fucked, yes?
Ok so, I’m absolutely shell shocked right now. I don’t know what to think. Part of me wonders why a 41 year old man would fall in love and want a relationship with a woman who was only barely into adulthood and is young enough to be his daughter, and also why he would be be trying to get her sober himself instead of leaving it up to her AA sponsor (which he says she did have), and also WHY he kept going back to this woman when it was so painfully obvious that she had (and probably still has) serious issues that he alone couldn’t fix. This guy is a math professor, so I’d like to believe he was smart and logical enough to know what he was doing was extremely unwise, but good grief I guess not.
I asked him to explain this gigantic train wreck and this is what he said:
He freely admits to me that the relationship was a gigantic fuckup and he was beyond stupid to pursue it for so long, and that his path to finally ending the relationship started when he got himself into therapy last year for the first time in his life.
He said that therapy helped him realize that he was love starved after a childhood with parents who resented him because he was unplanned and caused financial hardship, and that his ex wife was emotionally abusive and years of abuse absolutely destroyed his self worth and his ability to make good decisions about romantic partners. It took 6 solid months of therapy for him to finally start to recognize his destructive behavior patterns and begin to change his thinking. He said that he now recognizes that what he felt for his former student wasn’t love, it was fear of loneliness and the belief that he was so worthless that he could never do any better than someone like her.
He said therapy taught him that he is worthy of real love and that’s what motivated him to finally dump her. On the advice of his therapist he deliberately spent 5 months being single, after dumping her and before we met, so he could learn to be alone without being lonely. He picked up a new hobby that gets him out of the house and allows him to socialize with women his own age. (I’ve shared this hobby with him and seen firsthand how happy it makes him.) And he only met me because his therapist suggested that he was ready to try dating again, preferably with a more mature woman who was not a 20-something college student.
Basically, it really seems like he was on a path to correct his previous terrible behavior when he met me, but then his past caught up with him and now he’s suffering the consequences of his poor choices.
So far I have told him that if he has any hope of me sticking around, we need to do joint counseling, maybe with his own therapist so I can get the full truth out of him and see whether or not he truly has changed or is just yanking my chain, and he said he is absolutely willing to do that.
I’ve spent the past 5 months being happier than I have ever been with anyone else in my entire life, so I really want to believe he has turned a corner with therapy and he’s not the same man he was when he was with her. But this is just SO huge, and there are so many red flags, and he could end up losing his job and destroying his career. And also, what are the chances of her making ME a target if she found out I’m dating him now?
Should I just tell him that we need to take a break until he finds out what’s going to happen, and then we can pick up the pieces depending on what the outcome is?
FWIW I have a therapist and will be talking to her about this in a few days, but I’m a mess emotionally right now and I’ve run out of friends and relatives to call and talk to about this, but none of them have been through anything even remotely similar so they don’t know what to say and their advice has been all over the map so I’m still a mess and I desperately need to function at work tomorrow.
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2021.10.24 13:18 OnlyBet6907 Leave to colonizing for day or 2 more?
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2021.10.24 13:18 toni_jade [Thank You] 56Thorns and panicpug!
u/56Thorns Thank you for the Halloween card! Your plans sound fun! Enjoy!
u/panicpug Thank you for the butterfly postcard! I hope you're doing well!
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2021.10.24 13:18 55_grain Who's on charge here, anyway?
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2021.10.24 13:18 lawadmissionstosser I think I messed up my applications...
I revealed to other schools that I was applying ED to an in-state school and feel that they won't take a chance on me knowing I might be bound to this other school.
I feel the reason I'm not even getting reviewed at this point was because I let them know too much. Now I'll have to write LOCI for every school if the ED comes back as a rejection or if I'm put into regular admissions.
Any suggestions how to go from here?
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2021.10.24 13:18 StraightOuttaGP Are the current Gracepoint members also complicit?
A common characteristic of Gracepoint members is their will to submit to leadership. Given so many people have already come out and shared their traumas at Gracepoint on this subreddit, are the current Gracepoint members complicit for staying? What about the new members?
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2021.10.24 13:18 rennwerks PSB Alpha AM3/AM5: Overview and Demo - Incredible Value!
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2021.10.24 13:18 Jbot3300 New song "Rebel." I really could use some objective ears. Is this songwriting working? Production? I'd call this song "disco rock" but that's me. So, I'd be curious what you'd call this genre. Thanks for listening and for your comments.
2021.10.24 13:18 Megan_Thee_Italian drive safe the rain is serious yall. just got in a crash 5 mins ago, im 100% fine but im devestated about the car
2021.10.24 13:18 reddit_feed_bot dbongino: RT @BonginoReport: "You don't tell us what to put in our bodies! You either believe in individual liberty and freedom or you don't." – @dbongino on vaccine mandates #Unfiltered is LIVE on Fox News right now https://t.co/KkdDZ9C9p3
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2021.10.24 13:18 KingOfCranes Has anyone heard about Jesus-Ween?
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2021.10.24 13:18 HarryPi Ronaldo being a cunt.
2021.10.24 13:18 rexboss007 Bhoomika
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2021.10.24 13:18 eatgrasssledfast Ok hear me out, I LIKE the flying butcher bug
It makes grinding aether camos so much easier, and you can also focus on the butcher and kill him without worrying about him killing you. On the aether camo subject, the butcher spawns TONS of zombies, that you can easily mow down with any gun ur grinding on.
What do y’all think?
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2021.10.24 13:18 indian9yearoldbruh Life Pro Tip
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2021.10.24 13:18 Bettylovescrypto November will be massive for Flux - releasing the upgrade of FluxOS!
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2021.10.24 13:18 Yeowangbeolcheoleom Artifacts stats for support jean
So I was building jean as a support for her skill, because I really like it, because I have electro keqing, klee and hu tao, but I was wondering if I should build her with em, atk or both (I got an atk sands and an Elemental Mastery circlet). Should I build her with atk or em ? (I don't really care about healing bc I have zhongli)
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2021.10.24 13:18 Consistent_Ad8393 19 [M4F] US - Looking for somebody to be clingy with
Hellooooo this is a long post just a heads-up haha. So I want to meet someone I can be myself with and be comfortable with and just spend lots of time with because we enjoy what we talk about and the conversation keeps going easily and unfortunately usually the conversation runs dry really quickly when I meet somebody, but I'm not giving up hope of finding my missing someone. Anyway today I decided it's finally time to try something along the lines of finding somebody special or atleast trying to put myself out there a little because I really want to find that person and know that I've got them to count on, to love, and to trust. Idk maybe it sounds cliche but I really want to find somebody that I can be myself around and talk about whatever without feeling judgment and vice versa I want to be dependable as well. Honestly I'm just sorta a sucker for sweet romance and intimacy when I connect really well with another. Also I'm not really looking for a lot of people to talk to because I'm not really looking for a lot of friends, so hopefully the right person will reach out.
Oh side note I've never been in an irl relationship before so I really don't have lots of experience with relationships outside of an online one that didn't last very long so I hope that's not a problem because I want to learn and grow with somebody. Anyway I'm looking for something online obviously because I'm more comfortable that way and I really don't mind ldr in general if the connection is there and we don't lose interest in eachother and still text a lot haha so really as long as timezones aren't a big issue I don't mind where you're from. I should also say that I'm not in college or university in case anybody was wondering.
Anyway about me: I'm 19 of course, I'm 5'10", Caucasian, 160 pounds, brown hair, green eyes. I'm an ISFJ and an Aquarius if that matters to anyone here. I'm alright sharing pics of my face if you are once we're both comfortable but probably not right away. I'm more of a nerdy type of person in general, or maybe not nerd maybe like geek when I geek over things I'm really into and passionate about, but I'm not the type to be super outgoing haha idk how to describe it, like I really love cats and I enjoy drawing cute stuff sometimes so ig that describes me a bit idk haha. I'm really into watching and listening to lots of diff things like horror, true crime, mysteries, scary stories, and stuff like that. I don't play games that much but I'm mostly into Nintendo games in general, I have a switch and a few games on there that I'd be happy to play with somebody. I've always been a fan of writing and drawing even though I'm not particularly that great at either but I'd love to write or draw, maybe even both, with somebody on here if they happen to be interested. I mostly draw pokemon and diff animals and I like to write a little too. I'm very much into soundtracks when it comes to music not really lyrical songs, ik I'm weird haha, but I really enjoy game music a lot. Alsooooo I like anime and want to get more into it and I'd love to watch it together if you likes it too. I also am considering getting into manga and webtoons possibly. Personality wise, I'm really laid back but love giving and receiving a lot of attention with somebody I like soooo yeah haha, I'd call myself caring, sweet, and affectionate particularly to somebody I love.
Hmmmm it's hard to figure out what else to say, I'm a lot better just answering questions about myself that thinking of how to present myself so if you have any questions definitely feel free to send them my way and tell me about yourself as well so we can get started talking, it took a little while to type this so if you wouldn't mind I'd love to hear about you too. So in your message please tell me some stuff about yourself so we can go from there. Also I prefer using discord rather than reddit if that's alright by you, if not we could probably find another platform to message on too. Anyway thank you to anybody who actually read this because I know it's quite a lot of text and I just wanted to make sure to say a lot about me to hopefully meet the right person, hope you all have a wonderful day/night as well.
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2021.10.24 13:18 TappmanC Just some lawn mowing in Krasnoyarsk
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2021.10.24 13:18 Comfortable_Ad5802 Do you think it's rude to point out that someone has gained weight?
2021.10.24 13:18 ICantFindAUsername33 Joji - Waffle House In Guam
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2021.10.24 13:18 Apollo_3187 Customising Data labels on a graph using VBA
I have a line graph with markers, that essentially shows the change in value of something between the previous month and current month (e.g. 30 last month, 40 this month). I have up/down bars to show a gold bar if it increases and a black if it decreases.
I want to use vba to add data labels underneath each data point, but I can only select the previous month OR the current month to add the labels which means whichever one I choose there'll be some that are over the bar instead of underneath.
Is there a way to add data labels under the lowest value of the two months, so if last month was 30 and the current month was 40 it would choose the 30 data point? If it helps I'm putting the name of the category name as the data label so there are no numbers.
Thanks in advance!
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2021.10.24 13:18 GuiltyWatts Who was this woman? Pictures found in my dads Foot Locker?
I’ll try not to bore you with the details…my dad was an expat in Greece in the 70s because the U.S wasn’t a great place for black people. When he died, I found a large collection of Polaroids, including MANY pictures of this young woman. All I know is, the pics were taken in 1970. I’ve asked a few people that knew my dad back then, but no one knows who this is. Looks like she wrote him a note on the back of one of the pics. Can anyone here read Greek?
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